


It Wouldn't Be So Bad

by SaberKae



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Critical Role Spoilers, Friendship, Nothing explicit, POV Essek Thelyss, Yearning, cr spoilers?, fluffy thoughts but sad fic, shadowgast if you squint, sort of spoilers, this was written after episode 97 so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaberKae/pseuds/SaberKae
Summary: Essek has some thoughts as he watches the Mighty Nein enter the party in Nicodranas.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 89





	It Wouldn't Be So Bad

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever public fic so its short and a little choppy, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Credit to Cers in the Essek discord for the inspiration!

It was hard, not being in your element. Not being able to act freely. Not being able to have control over a situation and how it plays out. Essek had a bad feeling before he even saw the Mighty Nein walking along the Open Quay, heading directly to where he was standing next to The Martinet. He didn't know if he was satisfied or scared that his intuition was correct. That moment was fleeting and he was able to ignore the conflicts stirring in his mind, his ability to easily flee comforting him. But now... now he couldn't even escape it if he wanted to. Essek wasn't too fond of parties, with the unpredictable crowds and often cacophonous chatter paired with a bad taste in music.  
Alas, he couldn't avoid this party, so here he was, keeping a keen eye out and avoiding distasteful small talk where he could. He would be fine. The party would at least be buffer to his racing thoughts and he could focus on the task at hand. That plan quickly went down the drain as he tuned in to questioning whispers about a group of newcomers.  
His eyes found Fjord first, and it took everything in him to not burst out into laughter at the magnificent hat the half-orc wore. It was far too big and ostentatious, but he wore it with pride, walking into the room like he owned the place. Fjord, who was dressed in a nice long navy coat that licked at his calves, accented with gold and lined with a leather trim. Along with that he wore fitted pants and black boots that shone brightly under the light. He truly looked like a captain, making Essek remember back to the passing comments about Den Nein's adventures at sea.  
Den Nein... He didn't know where that sentiment came from...  
His eyes quickly shifted to the small halfling in the group, dressed in a yellow dress that fell nicely from her hips. Nott- no, Veth, looked so lively and happy, talking eagerly with Jester as they entered side by side. Essek had never seen Veth, but knew her by the way she looked around with wide eyes and a small hop in her step. Her dress was covered in silver buttons of all sizes, glinting in the light and drawing one's eye to the shiny things. He thought back to all the times he saw her, every time having that necklace of buttons. She still wore it tonight, and dare he say he saw a few more buttons in among her beautifully braided hair. This new form seemed so much more like her, and he felt a small sense of pride swell in him at the thought that he helped her become her true self again.  
Jester was hard to miss on a normal evening, and even more so in her well fitted bright pink dress. It was long and licked at her heels, the chiffon swishing around her elegantly as she walked. She seemed in her element, unlike the woman who she hung off the arm of. A woman dressed in dark purple velvet. Her mother, Essek realized, remembering descriptions of the famed Ruby of the Sea from Jester's bragging. Jester was laughing at something her mom said - she's always laughing - and he wondered how a mother and daughter could be so different yet so similar. He now knew where Jester got her unceasing charm and disarming smile, both of which constantly caught him off guard no matter how composed he was.  
Beau - not Beauregard - his jeering hostess, was walking in behind Jester. She looked smart and trim and comfortable in her grey suit, tailored to fit just right. A blue ascot accented her outfit, in that same cobalt color she normally wore, and fitted black boots rose up to her knees to top it off. It was more than she usually wore, but she's grinning and laughing at Fjord walking through a door, his large hat posing some difficulty. He could imagine what she was saying to him, having been privy to the monk's large array of smart remarks and insults. "I was making a pun, you don't have to be patronizing." She had said to him once. Also her insistence on using the word 'dunamagic'. He had to fight back a smile at the memory.  
Caduceus. The quiet, unimposing character, looked dashing and unassuming in his stunning frock coat. It was surprisingly fitting, the cut perfect for his tall stature. It was mint green, paired off with a nice vest, fitted pants, and polished boots. He had a warm smile on his face - as always - and it brought forth the many memories of Essek's visit to the Xorhaus. Caduceus was always welcoming to Essek, and showed great care towards him every time he happened upon their doorstep. He wondered what tea he smelled of today.  
Yasha, the muscled and often stoic warrior, looked elegant and fierce as she walked with purpose in her black dress. It was a rich velvet, with open shoulders and long, flowing sleeves. There was small silver threading along the edges, twisting in gorgeous patterns. He couldn't tell if the outfit made her more imposing or if it highlighted her femininity. He settled on both. They've spoken little, but it wouldn't stop him from paying her his compliment without hesitation. She was a guarded person, and in that he saw himself. He was grateful to have been allowed to see behind her walls.  
A striking figure, standing taller than he had ever seen. Caleb's shoulders are usually bent, just a little... just a tad. A hint of curling into himself to seem smaller. Today, he stands strong and towers like never before. The fitted lines of his clothes - Essek's eyes trail from shoulder to foot and back again. The black coat was covered in intricate silver designs, weaving their way around his torso. The rich red and glorious, shimmering gold highlighted the fire of his hair. His hair that was partially up in an almost fanciful braid, pulling his hair out of his face just enough to frame his jawline. Even from here Essek could see the intelligence in those bright blue eyes... The curious spark and oh how they soften when his gaze falls on his friends. To be on the receiving end of such a look. To stand shoulder to shoulder with such a man. To laugh and smile with him.. with these people...  
He never accounted for Den Nein. That title there was proof enough. They weren't part of the carefully thought out - or once thought to be - plan. A fool. A fool is what he was. The feelings he felt writhing in his chest, constricting his breathing, were never part of the plan. He wanted nothing more to walk over to the lively group, talk to them, laugh with them....  
It wouldn't be so bad, would it?


End file.
